You Can't Pay People to Care

Seth Godin recently wrote about hospitality, drawing on ideas from Danny Meyer and Will Guidara who have each written great books on the subject. But Godin adds something I find particularly interesting: The people who receive the most genuine hospitality are usually the ones who earn it.

His example is Halloween. Every kid who rings the doorbell gets a piece of candy. But the kid in the great costume, or the one who sings, or the one who makes a little magic on your porch is the one you remember. That kid is the reason you answered the door.

Godin was talking about customers. I think it's even truer about work. A paycheck establishes an agreement about what someone is expected to do, but it can't make them genuinely care about their teammates or the work they're doing. That kind of commitment has to be freely given. And for founders, that means building companies where people genuinely want to give it, starting with the example we set as leaders.

What a Paycheck Can't Buy

An employment agreement is pretty straightforward. You agree to do the job, and the company agrees to provide pay, benefits, and a fair shake. That's the candy every kid gets. But it doesn’t buy the human part.

Nobody can be paid to genuinely care about you. The mentor who stays late, the stretch assignment, the leader who spends capital on your behalf, the trust extended before you've fully proven yourself. None of that is in the offer letter. It's discretionary, and it always will be. But that's what hospitality can look like at work. It's the extra time, effort, and care we choose to give one another, even when we're under no obligation to do so.

Godin points out that entitled customers demand emotional labor and give nothing back, which wears out both sides. The workplace version is everywhere. Employees who believe the company owes them engagement, growth, and inspiration. Leaders who believe a paycheck buys loyalty and extra effort. Both are standing at the counter with their arms crossed, waiting for the other side to go first.

I've seen enough of both perspectives to know that neither leads to a particularly fulfilling experience in the workplace. And neither helps us build the kind of company people genuinely want to be part of.

Be the Person People Want to Work With

Try to be the teammate people look forward to working with. I'm talking about the person who brings energy into their interactions, shows up prepared, solves the problem in front of them, and then helps with the one next to it. The person who says thank you and means it.

Now some people might ask, "Why put in that extra effort when nobody's asking me to?"

Here's what I've seen in more than 40 years of leading people: Those are the people leaders think of first when opportunities come up. 

Leaders are human. When someone makes our day better, we want to return it. We hand them the challenging assignment because we trust them with it. We go to bat for them because they've gone to bat for us. When those decisions reflect someone's contributions and capabilities, that's reciprocity, not favoritism. And each of us has the ability to influence our half of that exchange.

We all want people throughout our companies who take initiative, care about doing great work, and go out of their way to help their teammates. But first we have to ask ourselves whether we're giving them a reason to show up that way.

You’re not entitled to something human simply because you paid for your ticket or your table.

Seth Godin

The Leader Opens the Door First

We have to hold ourselves to the same standard we hold our team. We set the terms of the exchange. If we want people to be great teammates, we have to be great leaders.

That means clarity and transparency about what we're doing and why. It means feedback that's honest, kind, and constructive. It means protecting people from nonsense so they can do their best work. 

That also means being willing to go first. If we hold back our trust and care until people have fully earned it, we've got the sequence backward. In a company, we're the hosts, and it's our responsibility to extend that hospitality before expecting it in return.

We also have to make sure this way of leading goes beyond our own relationships as founders and CEOs. The people we put in leadership roles need to understand their responsibility for creating the same experience. Think about your leadership team and answer these questions:

• Are we extending trust? Give people the opportunity to prove what they're capable of, with clear agreements and support along the way.

• Are we investing in our people? Make time for coaching, provide honest feedback, and help them develop the capabilities they'll need as the company grows.

• Are we recognizing the right behaviors? Recognize the teammates who consistently help others succeed, honor their commitments, and make the company a better place to work.

• Are we holding ourselves to the same standards? If we expect people to show up prepared, follow through, and care about their teammates, they should see those behaviors in us.

The care we show people shapes how they show up for one another. And that's how we begin to build something that extends well beyond any individual relationship.

What We Give and What We Get

When it works, hospitality at work becomes a loop. A leader extends trust, and a teammate returns it with effort and care. That gives the leader confidence to extend more trust and responsibility, and the teammate grows into it. With each exchange, the relationship becomes stronger.

But the opposite can happen just as easily. A leader waits for someone to prove they're willing to do more, while the teammate waits for the leader to offer something beyond the paycheck. Before long, both sides are keeping score, wondering why the other isn't doing more. The relationship becomes purely transactional: the paycheck for the job description, the fun-size candy bar, and nothing more.

I've written a lot about trust: It's extended, then earned, and then it compounds. We have a great deal of influence over which of these cycles develops in our companies, starting with how we lead. When people experience trust and care from their leaders, they're more likely to extend the same to their teammates. And that's how we build companies where people want to do their best work together.

Step Around the Counter

Godin closes his piece with an idea I really like: Try to be the best customer someone has had all day. You can't control how someone responds to you, but you can control how you treat them. And there's something rewarding about knowing you've done your part.

The same is true at work. Whether or not the boss notices, whether or not a teammate returns the favor, making an effort to be someone others enjoy working with is always worthwhile. It makes the day better, and it makes you better.

I've never believed work is a four-letter word. But I can see how it starts to feel like one when leaders and teammates are both standing at the counter, waiting for the other person to serve them.

We have an opportunity to build companies where people want to contribute to one another's success. And I deeply believe that starts with the example we set as leaders.

So step around the counter and be the person someone is glad showed up today. Often, they'll meet you there.